Kranepool Kalendar 2025
F*ck you, P*rell*! Hotel Kranepool’s Management wishes world-wide guests all the best.
La gestione di Hotel Kranepool augura ai graditi ospiti di tutto il mondo un felice anno.
Glanduwary
Start off the Nude Year with a bang! Make that, zip-BANG! Miss Glanduwary handles Reservations at the Tonawanda Imperial Hotel in New Jersey, USA. "I only lose my reserve at office parties,” she quips. “But if I tell you there’s room, you better be ready to move in, baby.”
Feebrewery
Effervescent Miss Feebrewery mans the bar at one of Las Vegas’ most iconic resort hotels. “Musta pulled enough beer to float a battleship, at this point. Chug-a-lug, everyone.”
Parch
The Reception Desk at the Gary Garage & Motel isn’t always a hospitable place. “We get some tough customers here in Indiana,” says Miss Parch, who receives customers rough and smooth on the Night Shift. “Some guests want to wrestle me for the key to the Presidential Suite. I only lost once. We’re married now.”
Word to the wise, grapplers. Don’t get fresh with Miss Parch. It’s cold outside. You don’t want to be there.
A-Pearl
April Showers (not her real name) is an exotic dancer at Milwaukee’s Monte Carlo Motel. “The Management’s always inventing new ways to snare guests,” she says. “But lemme tell you, this sure beats chambermaiding.”
May-Be Baby
“The joint may be small, but I run it. My way.” She/Him/They May-Be bosses the American Hotel, located somewhere. “Dishwasher, blanket fumigator, cook…all me. But it’s the only business left in town. Every now and then a guest shows up. May-be tomorrow’ll be the lucky day.”
Juno
June Powers is a road goddess. “Traveling Lingerie Spokesperson is the official job title,” she says. “What it means is, I sleep in a different hotel room every night. Local ladies with a mind to surprise their torpid spouses drop by to watch me change in and out of enticing undies. They order directly from me, and receive their merch by discreet parcel service not too long afterwards. Samples are all white, but our line of intimate finery comes in a rainbow of colors, just like flowers in up n’ coming summer.”
Joooo-Lie!
“Firecrackers! Bottle Rockets! Nuclear A-bombs!”
Better watch out! This hot, hot, hot Hotel School Graduate started her career as a refugee from a Dictatorship on a continent far away, but not out of reach of ballistic missiles. “Hotel means something different, in the land of the not-free,” she says, but won’t specify exactly what. Prison, maybe.
Augh-Ust!
“As summer winds down to its inevitable conclusion is the cruellest month,” says Miss Augh-ust, who runs her own Nail Salon in the lobby of a hotel in downtown Needles, CA. “Don’t ask me how I know.”
Hot-El Tember
“I should really share this prize—it’s a prize, isn’t it?—with my buddy Myrt. We sorta work together, look out for each other, steer clients one way or another, depending on what services are requested. There’s some things Myrt won’t do, other things I’d usually prefer not to. Management turns a blind eye, as long as they get our joint thank-you envelope every month.”
Smock-Tober
“We gotta wear white outfits at work,” says chamberperson Emma E (not her real name), who straightens Suites at a resort hotel in New Hampshire. “I’d prefer to wear my own clothes, especially shoes, but Management has its policies. ‘If you want some color in your life’, one Manager told me, ‘look out the window.’ But don’t look too long. We’ll catch you daydreaming on the Security Cam, and dock your pay'.”
Rem-Vember
“Every day’s Memorial Day, as far as I’m concerned.” This month’s model manages the Memorial Motel in Erewhon, PA. “This landmark lodging got built in memory of someone or something, but no one knows precisely what, anymore. But who cares? Who cares?”
Dis-Member Miss-Cember
“Guests want their milk in the morning,” says Last-But-Not-Least Kalendar Model Miss X (not her real name), who’s in charge of deliveries at a 12-storey hotel in the nation’s foremost Metropolis. “They don’t get their milk, they get choppin’ mad. So I make sure they get their milk.”