The Kranepool Gallery

The Kranepool’s ballroom had started to look like a disturbing set in The Shining.

An outsider’s view of Hotel Kranepool’s ballroom.

“Balls are a thing of the past,” the Manager named Zembalest said. He was responsible for Security. “Except for the kind that get routinely busted in the hotel biz.”

“What’re we supposed to do with over a thousand square yards of ground floor?” Manager Wetzl was in charge of Public Relations. “It’s not even a tax write-off.”

Would people drink wine if there were no alcohol in it? Would anyone visit museums if they were empty of sex? Kranepool management in contemplation of Kuh-rouch!, Ferg Ernsworth, 1967 (mixed media on oil on canvas, 3x7)

Miss Q, manager-in-training, saw a career-break opening. “A lotta hotels in big cities feature art galleries these days,” she said. “Hotels are the new Guggenheim Museums.”

“In that case, this joint was designed by Frank Lloyd Wrong,” the Unnamable Manager muttered. “Art’s supposed to be beautiful, right?”

“Not necessarily,” Miss Q said.

Fleph, Bloor Pottness, 1977 (oil on canvas, 71x53)

“Huh.” The Unnamable pondered alternative aesthetics. He snapped his fingers. “Get that guy who runs the Salon de Beauty in here.”

Little Fat Boy, Hester Ghopi, 1983 (mixed media, 95x90)

Mr Kevin was promptly fetched, and frog-marched into The Office. He thought it was because the rent for his space in the lobby was overdue, and that he’d better grovel.

“Oh please o masters. These are slow times for beauty. I’ll do better.”

The Sisterhood of Water, Guy Floss, 1977 (oil and mixed media on cardboard, 41x75.3)

The Managers mused on the elegant wretch. He had a fresh carnation in his buttonhole.

“We’ve made you Curator of the new Kranepool Gallery,” the Unnamable said. “Which means, we eat the rent on your little salon.”

Civilization, Rosaleen Graftis, 1965 (mixed and appropriated media on cardboard, 35x27)

“This is unexpected, your Serene Highnesses. I’m unworthy.”

“Prove your worthiness in the ex-ballroom,” the Unnamable said. “Put Kranepudlian art on show, and make it pay.”

B.HOttttt, Maxine Steemsma, 1971 (mixed media on cardboard, 105x95)

***

La galleria Kranepool

La sala da ballo del Kranepool era diventata un inquietante set di Shining.

Lugo Snowy Afternoon, Mèttiu Lìnce, 2017 (photocollage, dimensioni variabili, 181x152)

“I balli sono una roba del passato,” disse il Manager Zembalest. “Questa sala da ballo invece è una rottura di balle al presente.”

“Cosa dovremmo farci di oltre mille metri quadri a pianterreno?” Manager Wetzl era l’incaricato di pubbliche relazioni. “Non possiamo nemmeno detrarli dalle tasse.”

Qualcuno visiterebbe musei se fossero strutture vuote di arte sexy? Qualcuno berrebbe vino se non contenesse alcool? Due manager del Kranepool contemplano Sotto il vestito troppo, Vlasta Fribl, 1977 (olio su tela con oggetti e foto applicati, 217x353)

Miss Q, manager stagista, vide un’apertura. “Molti hotel metropolitani ora vantano gallerie d’arte,” disse. “Gli hotel sono i nuovi Guggenheim Museum.”

“Questo ce lo possiamo scordare,” disse il Manager Innominabile. “L’arte dev’essere bella.”

“Non necessariamente,” disse Miss Q.

Girls Who Wear Glasses (Le ragazze occhialute), Blen Nothrup, 1977 (fotocollage, 83x53)

“Ma senti.” L’Innominabile meditò l’idea di estetiche alternative. Fece schioccare le dita. “Portate qui quell’estetista della hall.”

Sumo, Vreneli Goldhaber, 2018 (olio su tela, 107x83)

Mister Kevin fu sottratto dalla sua bottega e trascinato dentro l’Ufficio. Il parrucchiere pensò che fosse per una storia di affitto non ancora pagato, e che era meglio strisciare.

“O padroni, vi supplico. Sono brutti tempi per la bellezza, ma lavorerò di più.”

Finsteraarhorn, Clemens Sauerbrücken, 1981 (olio e acquerello su cartone, 17x11)

I Manager guardarono divertiti il mentecatto elegante.

“Ti abbiamo reso curatore della nuova Kranepool Gallery,” disse l’Innominabile. “Quindi da ora in poi non dovrai più pagare l’affitto.”

You Stole My Mickey! (Mi hai confiscato il ganzo!), Rita Loos, 2007 (fotocollage, 23x23)

“Questo è inaspettato, vostre altezze. “Non sono degno.”

“Rènditi degno nella ex-sala da ballo,” disse l’Innominabile. “Metti in mostra l’arte kranepooliana, e vendila.”

San Francisco, Max Fruntz, 1973 (inchiostro su pannello, 77x55)