Management was enthused when N*st Magazine wrote to announce their intention to devote a whole issue to Hotel Kranepool. They’d be sending a photographer and a writer whose names induced mass vertigo in the Executive Office Suite.

“Don’t change a thing,” the magazine’s editor said, in conclusion.

A photocopy of The Letter was posted in the employee area. “We want everything at the Kranepool to be exactly as it was and has always been. This means YOU.”

Management doesn’t f*ck around when it comes to glossy magazine coverage

“This doesn’t, however, mean no dusting and/or vacuuming,” Management added. “Employees must wipe fingerprints from all surfaces they come into human contact with. The plants, furthermore, must continue to be watered and spoken to in a loving manner. Their leaves must still be gently wiped with damp cloths.”

The following are excerpts from the N*st Spread:

Ooh look this brown coverlet matches my pumps, lipstick, and...

Mysterious Theme Suite: Summer mail delivery? or sympathy for the Vietcong?

Music lubes the soul, as long as it’s played within the confines of the Kranepool Piano Bar & Lounge.

Hey Management! It’s too warm in my Suite!

Hey Management! I requested a Room Service Spanking over an hour ago! My gams have fallen asleep!

An advertising executive is courteous, clean, punctual and functional.

An art gallery owner is friendly, firm and not shy.

A Star Troopers stewardess is exotic, elastic and color-coordinated.

Ooh Management! My Room Service Spanking lasted even longer than scheduled, and was far more severely administered than I ever dared dream. Thank you, Management.

***

Grand Hotel Design

La Gestione rimase estasiata quando la redazione della rivista N*st scrisse per comunicare la loro intenzione di dedicare un numero intero a Hotel Kranepool. Avrebbero inviato un fotografo e una scrittrice, cui nomi indussero vertigini di massa nella Suite Manageriale.

“Non cambiate nulla,” aggiunse in conclusione il Redattore Capo di N*st.

Una fotocopia della lettera fu affissa al tabellone nella zona impiegati. “Vogliamo che tutto a Hotel Kranepool sia com’è sempre stato. Diciamo a TE.”

La Gestione non scherza, quando si tratta di carta patinata

“Ciò non vuol dire che smetterete di pulire o di passare l’aspirapolvere,” continuò La Gestione. “Gli impiegati sono tenuti a eliminare le loro impronte digitali da ogni superficie con la quale verranno a contatto. Le piante, inoltre, vanno annaffiate. Sussurrerete dolci parole mentre lavate le loro foglie col panno umido e morbido.”

Le seguenti immagini sono estratte dal servizio su N*st: